I witnessed her life from afar, through fleeting encounters at the playground, anecdotes told by common friends and through her posts on social media. I’ve met her just a couple of times and exchanged a few remarks about our children and the weather, all small talk. But even in those few exchanges, what transpired was an image of happiness. A cheerful, ever-smiling young woman, calm and in control of her life. She emanated optimism and joy; being in her company made you feel more peaceful and cheerful.
A young mom of two, she always made sure to mark special occasions so the whole family dressed up for Carnival, the first day of school was immortalised and so was each achievement, big or small, adult or not. She was always eager to be an active member of her community, ready for brainstorming session about the future of our small expat society, volounteering to lead children’s activities and story time. With her youngest having just turned one, her recent media presence revolved around her little one. All through the summer they traveled visiting family and the places she knew from her former life; a weekend at the see, a snap by the lake, a group souvenir with friends. A picture of serenity and bliss.
After a few months away, she had just returned back to work to continue her thriving career and expand her large international network of colleagues and teammates. Even though abroad for over a decade, professional magazine from back home kept in contact with her for occasional articles, columns, opinions. I remember first meeting her dressed in a dark suit and heals, coming to pick up her firstborn from kindergarten; an image of a women who could do it all and I’ll admit to feeling a pang of jealousy. Because I am rarely calm, have nothing under control and peaceful is a foreign word for me. I enjoy thoroughly what I do but I can hardly be called an achieve professional.
Last but not least, there was her partnership with the man she had chosen long ago to build a life with. Living and working together across multiple countries, they have recently bought a home, an almost impossible feat in Luxembourg, to finally put down roots and continue their life story with BBQs and evenings spent on the terrace, chilling with a glass of rosé.
Looking from the outside, her life seemed marvelously covetable
And then, all of a sudden, the astonishing news came, first a whisper which grew slowly into a certainty within our small community, that this active, vibrant, incredible woman with a whole life in front of her had committed suicide. Shocking to all, understood by none, all of our worlds were shaken to their cores, all certainties were gone and all façades fell.
How utterly unbearable her life had to be to her, that not even her children, not even her toddler could keep her among us. How could we all have misread her, how could we have missed it all? Reading through her social media feed, like me, most people remembered her ever-present smile and joy. Speaking to friends, there was a sense of bewilderment and disbelief.
I knew her only fleetingly but even most of my beliefs were shattered and her passing, just as her life, affected me deeply.
I hope she has finally found her well-deserved peace and that, in time, the ones left behind can find it, too.