We got our hamster just over two years ago, when the adults here decided that the youngsters were finally old enough to be responsible for a living creature. That is, that they were responsible enough not to accidentally step on the poor animal. After Jakob’s as brilliant as accidental wordplay of a proposition, she was named Michelle.
And after two years of keeping us company, sometimes waking us up in the middle of the night with her exercise routine or by tidying up her house, our tiny hamster died. Yes, there was sadness and there were tears. And loads of conversations about death, why, when and how; it extended past the death of an animal and ventured into talks about loss in general. This is how we handled the topic of mortality with our 6 and 8 year-olds.
A GOOD CRY
The moment we realised our pet was dead, a flood of tears started¸; mostly children but adults shed some, as well. We hugged the children and gave them the necessary space and time to express their grief, rubbing their backs and listening patiently to their monologues and rhetorical questions. A good hour elapsed before we were all composed enough to think clearly what the next step might be.
A TALK
We talked about the fact that she is dead and is not coming back. Jakob was apprehensive about hewaking up after having been buried so discussing death as something final and irreversible seemed very important in that situation. We tried to be honest and precise, not give them false hopes, use euphemisms or deceitefuldiction At the same time, we tried to be as gentle as possible, focusing on the good memories we had with her and the fact that Michelle had a good life with us. The children wanted to keep her for a few days more so we explained the proper way of honouring our loved ones is to give them a place to rest, skipping over the decomposing part.
HONOURING
After clearing up that she inescapably needed to be buried that same day, we discussed the modalities and decided a cardboard box decorated with stickers and drawings would be ideal for our beloved rodent. Mia and Marko wrote a poem each, while Jakob made a pillow and blanket out of old socks we had lying around. Inevitably, more tears were involved but a lot of love, respect, and acceptance were present as well.
FAREWELL
It might sound morbid but we all petted the hamster for the very last time, touched her soft fur, and said our goodbyes. Although just a small animal whose voice was never heard, she had a personality; we knew the foods she liked and those she despised, she had a daily routine we were familiar with, upon hearing our voices close to her cage, she climbed to the gates trying to sniff us. She was ours and we were hers. We placed her in the decorated box and covered her with the blanket before securing the lid.
A QUIET PLACE
We found a quiet spot for her final resting place and have been visiting her quite often in the last few days.
WHAT IS LEFT BEHIND
It seemed disrespectful and ungrateful speaking of getting another hamster, a replacement for the one we had just lost. Even just cleaning her cage and getting rid of all of her belongings, seemed too extreme. So we waited a few days for the emotions to calm down and the tears to dry up. Then, slowly, we started talking about their fates. At the moment, we are still in the middle of sorting it all out, slowly but surely.
THE FINAL ACT
What we have not managed to do yet but are planning to, is have a follow-up. I believe speaking about the end of life is important, explaining sadness is an understandable response but that death is, nonetheless, a part of life and that as long as we remember those who departed, they will never be lost for us. Therefore, Coco is next on our playlist.